Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
