You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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