Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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