I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
