I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
