I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
