I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
