You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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