I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
