omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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