Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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