I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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