She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
