He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
