textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
