well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
