last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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