Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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