I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
