sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
