Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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