Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
