next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize