I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
