I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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