He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
