The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
