Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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