I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize