You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
