I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
