I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
