Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
