The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
