This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
