how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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