i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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