He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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