I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
