i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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