Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
