I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
