somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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