My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
