I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
