Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
