I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
