Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
