the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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