I'm pants shitting drunk right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
