i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
