i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
