But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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