as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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