Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
