also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
