Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
