i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
