things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize