I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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