I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
