A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just found a bag of teeth...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
