I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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