I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
