All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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