we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
