Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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