This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
