Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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