Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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