everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
