my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
