I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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