go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
