she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
even my farts smell like vagina
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
