There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
