If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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