Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
